disease

All my life stretches down into sleep and defecation and filth

starting over with my life now

searching for renewal

heal the disease that pervades my life.

How is my heart diseased?

anger and worry

heat and burning pain

head aching

throat burning

eyes burning

If I relax I cry

fear

all this time worshiping and working to be good

still this dissolute person

trudging along through days

always improving but never getting farther ahead.